Rathi then said, “Rhee, you’re only tied for third. What’s the deal? Forget how to put it in the net?”“Nah. I’m just giving everyone else a chance before I bury them getting 20 goals in the next eight games.”Rathi grinned, then said to me, “I saw that you had a hat-trick of assists on Monday, so I know it’s not your fault that Rhee is so far behind this Tanaka girl.”“Ain’t that the truth,” Heather exclaimed. “You guys played them before we did. We went to school on you and the other teams that played against her. She had a really pretty goal against us, but Gracey mostly kept her under wraps.”“I had help from Katie, Kim, and the center back without compare, Shameka.”“Hi, Rathi,” Coach said as she joined us. “I’m hearing good things about you ... that you’re starting.”Rathi quickly glanced around, then answered glibly, “Hi, Coach. Yeah, I am, although it’s not as fun as the premier team. We...”The way she stopped, then shook her head suggested to me that she was going to say something. I'm just going through the motions, notliving at all. I guess it doesn't really matter. I've kinda stoppedtalking to God, since He doesn't seem to listen anyway. The other day Iactually screamed at Him, I was so mad. But even that didn't changeanything. Just how long will my torment last?******My knee feels better, which is okay, I guess. I got to thinking aboutwhat happened with my dad and realized it would be pretty selfish of meto kill myself and leave my body for my mom to find after she's alreadylost him. Its getting close to Christmas and the lights look pretty and even thesnow somehow looks better.I don't know if I'm any better, but I'm goingto try and survive.*****Merry Christmas, Diary!It was actually a nice Christmas. John is just glowing with his new-found faith. I'm still struggling with mine, but I'm happy for him. Asfor my gender stuff, well I have a confession. I've been crossdressing,"borrowing" my mom's stuff. I don't know how to describe how I feeldressed,.
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